By Jane Keep
In serving others, we may forget to look after ourselves. Developing rituals and daily living practices can support and nourish us in our coaching work. But first we must go back to basics
What if the true delivery of service begins first by delivering that same service to self in every way, and to the others [clients and colleagues] by the same manner, that are within the group, before the organisation [or individual] can truly serve?1
As coaches who “serve” those in need of support, to what extent are we affording ourselves that same care and self-service?
The way we are with ourselves and in the world is felt by our clients. We have the potential to inspire those we serve. But how much do we truly take care of ourselves? How much do we truly self- observe and make changes to the way we are, which support and nourish us in our work and practice?
Many of us have worked while our orange light is flickering. Such moments can be uncomfortable, according to findings from my six-year Phd study on self-care at work, using coaches as a case in point. Such moments can affect both the way we offer our services and the type of service our clients receive.
How can we develop a deeper sense of self-care and self-nourishment? Self-awareness is the root to deepening our relationship with self and making changes that more deeply support us in our daily living. Through such growing awareness we can deepen self-honesty. So, how do we start?
Commit to self-observation
This begins by making a commitment to observe self and then observe self with others over time (say, a two-week period). At this point, simply note the things that support you in your daily work and life, and the things that, if we’re honest, are not so supportive.
Listen to your body
Use your physical body as a “marker”1. It is the best personal barometer we have, for noting when we feel steady and well, and when we feel tired. Also, you could (if you don’t already), observe how you feel during your coaching sessions. Are there moments or days when you feel a little out of kilter? Observe how much more of a ‘struggle’ those sessions are, and what preceded this.
Our physical body is giving us nudges and indicators 24/7, but often in the busy-ness of life, we fail to notice, or we notice but fail to take the time to understand what the nudges are and why they are happening.
But the nudges offer us clues to how we are living and working. We can also react to what we observe, or become over-critical. Too often we are too hard on ourselves.
For example, we realise that on certain days our coffee or sugar consumption is raised. We ask why that happens on those days.
Then we start to track back, noticing the patterns underlying our reactions.
It may be that on those days we haven’t allowed ourselves enough sleep the night before, so we feel more tired. We then realise that if we get more sleep our sugar or coffee consumption will go down – a great indicator of how we can then make changes to deepen our self-care.
We could, if we choose, take that even deeper, by asking ourselves why we don’t allow ourselves enough sleep. Maybe we can track that back, to discover, for example, a mental construct that “sleep isn’t important”, or that “I spend too much time looking after others and my needs come last”.
These observations then become the way we live our lives, with a more conscious and deliberate awareness to develop a deeper level of self-care.
Make it work
- Observe patterns and reactions
- Track back from the patterns to find out why you do what you do
Fatal flaws
- Ignoring our body’s warning signs
- Being too hard on ourselves
Daily rituals
How else can we deepen our self-care? One area to look at is daily rituals. Rituals can include the way you are with food, hydration, resting, sleep, exercise, what you wear and showering – do they all feel supportive and nourishing?
Rituals can also include how you are in your office, at your desk and so on. Observe the way you are – does this truly support you? Is it spacious? Is it nourishing? You could also observe the way you are when you arrive at a place for a coaching session, and how you prepare the room, even the chair. Do you feel apprehensive or relaxed? Did you allow enough time? Observe the rituals that support and nourish you, and maintain them. Observe those that don’t feel supportive, and choose to say ‘no’ to them.
Make it work
- Sift through your daily rituals
- Discard the rituals that don’t nourish you; keep the ones that do
Fatal flaw
- Failing to pay attention to what you have observed. When you become aware of something about yourself, it’s important to pay more attention to it, rather than merely noting it and moving on to the next thing. Often we can realise something and not take the opportunity to go deeper.
Experimenting
Once you have had a period of self-observation and are aware of what does and does not support or nourish you in your work, or daily living, you can then attempt mini experiments to see what else supports you.
- You could, for example, choose to drink more water, or go to bed earlier for two weeks, and at the end of that, notice any differences it has made.
- You could experiment with saying ‘no’ to demands placed on you that you feel are over and above your capacity for that day or week.
- You could experiment with planning your diary so that it feels more spacious and not so ‘back to back’.
Time to celebrate
When you realise the things that support you, celebrate and confirm to yourself that these are things you want to continue to offer yourself during your working day or week. You will find you already offer yourself a number of supportive things, but you may not be offering them often enough.
1. Serge Benhayon, founder and director of Universal Medicine www.universalmedicine.com.au
About the author
Jane Keep works as a coach, coach supervisor, facilitator, OD consultant, writer, researcher and esoteric healing practitioner. She works philosophically and practically, enabling clients to realise the root cause of patterns and behaviours. Her primary focus is to bring true wellbeing and harmony back into the workplace. She runs the Inner-Heart Esoteric Coaching and Healing Practice. Her thesis is based on the work of Serge Benhayon.
Coaching at Work, Volume 6, Issue 6