In the latest in a series of columns dedicated to mentoring, we look at why things sometimes go wrong. This issue: avoiding unpleasant outcomes in even the best-designed programmes
Lis Merrick
Well-managed mentoring regularly leads to great outcomes – but beware of difficult relationship issues
This is probably the most provocative column I have written about mentoring. As a staunch believer, I want to sell its glorious benefits, promote the success stories and develop mentoring cultures in all organisations I work with. However, as in any human relationship, things can go very wrong between the two people involved. Sometimes they realise and rectify the situation. Sometimes, through supervision and the right support network, the programme co-ordinator will intervene. So what are the issues and why do they happen?
1. Dependency
This is one of the most common problems that occur in mentoring relationships and both parties can experience it. A mentor can become over-dependent on their mentee and a mentee can become so dependent on their mentor that they can’t function without checking in. Whether it is a mentor over-providing advice and support because they enjoy being needed by their mentee, or a mentee who just wants to be told, dependency can develop innocently, but go on to create complex emotional bonds that are hard for either party to extricate themselves from.
2. Manipulation
This can be the mentor taking over or micromanaging the mentee’s agenda and potentially narrowing the mentee’s perspectives. Or a more assertive mentee ‘bullying’ their mentor into sharing their network or delivering tangible results for them, such as promotions or pay rises.
Actually, making mentors and mentees aware through programme check ins and supervision of what ‘good mentoring’ looks like can help snap relationships out of both dependency and manipulation, even if it means a mentor or mentee evoking their no-fault separation clause or agreeing the relationship has run its course.
3. Sexual innuendo and manipulation
Senior staff mentoring junior employees can create exploitative situations. Good setting up of these relationships with boundary management emphasis is key, ensuring mentees don’t feel ‘pressurised’ or manipulated by their mentor.
4. Negative role modelling
Mentoring, particularly in talent programmes, is strongly associated with role modelling. A more experienced and mature mentor provides the safe space from which the mentee can copy and imitate the behaviours and more complex thinking of their senior leader mentor. Unfortunately, some mentors are not developed sufficiently in maturity and personal development to be positive role models. Programmes that select mentors on the basis of their leadership competencies or values can avoid this problem.
5. Negative halos
Mentors with mentees that fail and mentees with mentors that fall into disrepute in the organisation, can experience ‘negative halos’. Ensuring that mentors who are about to exit the organisation are not selected to be mentors and that mentors are not measured on their mentee’s progress, will help to eradicate this effect. n
Next issue: How mentoring can be used to spearhead knowledge management in your organisation.
Lis Merrick is a consultant and visiting fellow of the Coaching and Mentoring Research Unit at Sheffield Business School.
She welcomes correspondence on anything to do with mentoring. Contact: Lismerrick@coach mentoring.co.uk