Meetings are a microcosm for how people show up more widely, and it’s easier to come out as homosexual at work than to challenge others in meetings, said Neil Tomalin.
By Ros Soulsby
Presenting early findings from his research on authenticity, at the Coaching at Work annual conference on 5 July, Tomalin said, “The microcosm for being genuine and authentic is how you perform at a meeting. It’s the real-time gladiatorial arena.” He said, “Meetings paralyse business and are the absolute test for how organisations reflect their diversity principles. It’s easier to come out as a gay man than to challenge at a meeting.”
In his session called ‘How people perform at meetings is Is the key to being ‘genuine and authentic’ at work, inviting your work colleagues to be Facebook friends?’ Tomalin challenged the roomful of coaches to consider, “To what extent are you your true and authentic self at work?”
Tomalin, managing partner and business coach at Saintclair Partnership, shared how his research is exploring themes around being genuine and authentic, and around how we share information. Meetings have emerged as a melting pot for how we show up and share information about ourselves.
He shared how he’s worked with two employers trialling a ‘Bring yourself to work day’ where instead of wearing what they like, employees ‘be who they are’. He said that although it was easy to sell a ‘be yourself’ day, it wasn’t easy for people to be themselves in meetings.
Tomalin urged us to never use the word ‘culture’ again but to replace it with ‘relationships’. He said when organisations started talking about the relationship it took them somewhere quite different; generating what he refers to as “human moments”. He suggested that the power of human moments changes the way we go about things, positively and negatively. He challenged the coaches in the room to consider how much they are aware of this; and how in an age of super-share this translates for clients of different ages and backgrounds?
With an exhausting number of personas available to us at any one time, there is a good chance people are editing their personalities as they talk.
Neil suggested there are five different meeting roles people adopt:
- Dog – I say what I feel, no filters. Reactions are aligned to values
- Shark – Chuck a rock, get a reaction, gets attention and might be a good idea
- Owl – Measured, careful and always editing self
- Mouse – Sit on hands, speak if asked, tell truth in kitchen after
- Cat – Bored and disengaged. No point as everything is already decided anyway
He urged coaches to check meeting norms and to open up new questions focused on relationship, with a final thought about whether coaches should coach clients towards or away from authenticity.