Shining the light on the ‘darker side’ of mentoring, Lis Merrick explores how mentees can feel under pressure to ‘please’ or be compliant with their mentors
Working in mentor supervision with talent, graduate and diversity programmes in recent years, I have become conscious of some mentees being keen to either ‘please’ their mentors, or feeling obliged or even slightly coerced to comply with what the mentor wants them to do.
This happens not just in sponsorship programmes, but also in programmes set up and run as developmental mentoring.
There are a number of causes for such behaviours, but I want to focus particularly on the way power and transference impact mentoring relationships.
Is it possible to ‘park’ power in developmental mentoring? Any power in developmental mentoring relationships is supposed to be ‘parked’ and the mentor and mentee work as equals. However, this is extremely difficult to do for several reasons:
- Most organisational contexts create an underlying power dimension in their programme, which even the most capable mentors find difficult to dispel.
- Generally, mentors have knowledge, wisdom and experience that their mentees do not possess, causing further inequalities in the relationship.
- Finally, mentoring is about transition and change, so the mentoring pair will be in different places at points in the relationship, usually with the mentor having the more secure base.
These factors add an uneven power dimension to the mentor/mentee relationship, which a
self-aware mentor can seek to smooth out. Unfortunately some mentors ignore or even subconsciously encourage that unevenness so the mentee is more compliant and the mentor gets their ego stroked. Other mentors may not even appreciate such subtle power dynamics.
Transference
We tend to treat mentoring in organisations as being somewhat simpler than coaching. Mentors receive less training, while supervision is often non-existent or fairly basic because of insufficient funding. However, transference may be a factor if the mentee demonstrates excessive respect and compliance towards the mentor’s expertise.
Transference occurs when a mentee projects or enacts a significant previous relationship with their mentor. If the mentor responds, countertransference may occur, which can be positive and supportive or detrimental to the mentee. The trouble is, explaining transference to a busy senior leader, who may have been briefed for a few hours on what makes an effective mentor, can seem a step too far.
How can organisations with scant resources ensure they have the healthy developmental dialogues they need in mentoring programmes?
Supervision
The key is to make available supervision/support to mentors and mentees, whether one-to-one or group. It’s critical to discuss the process of mentoring and ensure no harm is being done to either party, as well as checking in from a quality assurance angle. Upskilling for mentors is also advantageous. Working with small groups of mentors or mentees, face-to-face or virtually, for 60-90 minutes, is an opportunity to explore, probe and challenge, with both peer and supervisor support, the thoughts, feelings and behaviours that both parties are experiencing.
In conclusion, consider introducing or reinvigorating your supervision offer. It’s the safest way to keep some of the ‘darker’ elements out of the programme!
- Next issue: More on our exploration of the ‘darker side’ of organisational mentoring programmes
- Lis Merrick is a consultant specialising in mentoring programme design and development. She welcomes correspondence on anything to do with mentoring. Contact: Lismerrick@coachmentoring.co.uk