A coach is getting confusing signals in his meetings with two leaders of an NGO. There is a distinct lack of trust and dynamics. How can he find a way forward?
The Issue
A coach is currently working with two board members and co-founders of an NGO, Sebastian and Mia. The overall agenda is to help the leaders improve their leadership capability.
The coach feels that the topics being raised are not of great importance to the NGO or to the clients’ development as leaders. He feels there is underlying hostility between the two board members.
At the last coaching session with Sebastian, the topic raised was impressively strategic. Sebastian thought that Mia was acting very bossily and being pushy in all the team meetings. He said that what’s more important in the organisation is not to become wildly popular but to navigate and liaise more respectfully with the social partners and the stakeholders.
Sebastian admitted that in order to have a functioning team of volunteers, goals should be achieved and deadlines met.
He realises that many volunteers underperform but forcing them is not a role he wants to undertake.
His need to set limits with everybody and gain their respect, frequently surfaces during the discussions.
On the last day Sebastian said he was going to undertake a position that was designed by Mia and funded by a sponsor. The coach is puzzled by the dynamics and the lack of trust. What should the coach do next?
The Interventions
Angelos Derlopa
Founder, Positivity Coaching
| There are many themes that stand out here. The most important ones are the roles we see in Sebastian and Mia and the way they run their NGO. They have a symbiotic relationship that allows Sebastian to be the more humane side of the table during the meetings. He is not satisfied with people’s performance, but he allows himself to sit back and let Mia become bossy and do the job. |
He says that the organisation’s focus is wrong and blames it on Mia but does not bring this into the agenda. He appears to be increasingly discontented with Mia and partially disengaged with the organisation’s current direction.
Sebastian talks about respect and limits but agrees to man a post with a job description designed by Mia and that must be fully carried out according to the sponsor’s binding contract. Leadership development on these major themes doesn’t seem to be finding its way onto the coaching agenda.
The coach needs to bring these themes forward into the discussion and gingerly work around the issues. Lack of trust has obviously piled on top of fear of conflict. Which conversations are Sebastian and Mia avoiding that have led to this situation? Which are the tenets in their mental models that organise their reality? How does who they are as followers inform the way they are as leaders?
Undoubtedly, vertical learning and space for reflection will benefit both co-founders and the organisation.
The conundrum is whether the coach should invite both to a joint session.
The best way to do that is to invite both to examine whether they can trust a conversation. Or perhaps they would rather initiate a compassionate dialogue that will help them jointly explore the roles behind the people as well as their assumptions that the roles are beyond the scope of the conversation, whereas their discomfort is just the tip of the iceberg.
Antoinette Oglethorpe
Director, Antoinette Oglethorpe
| When you are coaching more than one individual, there are some parallel dynamics to consider and work through. |
There is the individual, what they bring to the situation and what they want to achieve. There is the interaction between individuals: here, Sebastian and Mia. There is the context in which those individuals operate and deliver: here, the NGO. There is the interplay of all these.
In cases of conflict and disagreement, individuals often lose sight of the bigger picture, focusing instead on their own needs and preferences.
My recommendation is that the coach holds individual sessions with Sebastian and Mia followed by a joint session. The individual sessions will help them reflect on their working relationship and how that is impacting the NGO. In those sessions, the coach could explore each individual’s experience of their relationship.
Questioning could explore what they feel is working, how they would like it to be different and what success would look like. Those individual sessions will help Sebastian and Mia prepare for a joint session. The joint session would focus on agreeing a shared picture of success.
The picture could embrace the NGO as a whole, their leadership and their working relationship.
It is likely that the coach will need to adopt a structured process to ensure Sebastian and Mia contribute equally to the conversation. The coach provides the opportunity to surface any differences in opinion so that they can be discussed and reconciled. Sebastian and Mia may feel reluctant and uncomfortable to highlight these differences.
The coach has a role to play in creating an environment that makes it safe and constructive. Once they have agreed a shared picture, it will be easier to appreciate what is working and
explore options for improvement.