How do you coach an enthusiast for change or a resister to it? Coaches should look to the Buddhist image of the caterpillar and the butterfly

by Lindsay Wittenberg

 

Buddhists tell us that what the caterpillar perceives as the end, to the butterfly is just the beginning. That everything that has an ending has a beginning and that if we make our peace with that, all will be well.

I’ve found this concept resourcing as I work with clients encountering change and converting it into their own transition or transformation.

As I coach clients who are part of a change process, who have change imposed upon them, or who are seeking change, I notice that while some have real energy for it, others resist it, and want to cling on to the familiar.

I notice also that those who have energy for change have a curiosity, resilience and courage which aren’t by any means as evident with the ‘resisters’, who are more likely to manifest stuckness, lack of confidence or even fragility and fear. Inevitably, that energy (or lack of it) impacts on me: I pick up energy and excitement from one group, and I feel it leaking out of me with the other.

As coach, I believe my place is to stay separate while being deeply connected to the client. I need to open up new perspectives to the resister without being simplistically optimistic. And I need to avoid colluding with the enthusiast just because I find their mindset attractive.

Coaching is about discovering, creating and acting on new possibilities. Sometimes the temptation in working with a resister is to move towards possibilities without adequately exploring what the resistance to ‘ending’ is about and what might address it. If I’m not careful, that can get tangled up with my loyalty to the organisational sponsor. I’ve learnt to spot when I’m getting seduced into that agenda, and to contract rigorously with the sponsor, both in writing and in terms of the psychological contract, so as to surface hidden expectations on both sides.

I’ve learnt too that both the end of the caterpillar phase and the beginning of the butterfly phase need their own time and their own process: trying to hurry one or the other, or to take either of them at face value, can mean that the possible or potential transition or transformation dissolves part-way along: my trying to open the chrysalis with the intention of ‘helping’ the transformation would actually damage the process.

I’ve coached enthusiasts for change who are so driven by the thought of the results they want that they risk not adequately processing outcomes or learning from their journey to date and so, in turn, they risk not anchoring the new results.

Equally, I’ve coached resisters who struggle with leaving behind what’s familiar – what William Bridges, in his work on transition, calls “ending, losing and letting go” (even though the familiar may no longer be serving them). They struggle, too, with taking even one small step into Bridges’ ‘neutral zone’. While coaching is aimed at those who are ready, willing and able to change, it can also have value for resisters by exploring the resistance to ‘ending’ that might have made it look to me as though coaching is unsuitable for them.

That Buddhist image of the caterpillar and the butterfly nourishes my respect for the ending that the client needs to make if they are to successfully transition (or transform) to something new. It’s a respect that has often brought peace and acceptance to both the client and myself.

 

  • Lindsay Wittenberg is director of Lindsay Wittenberg Ltd. She is an executive coach who specialises in authentic leadership, career development and cross-cultural coaching
  • www.lindsaywittenberg.co.uk