A serious case of workplace bullying, though resolved, continues to undermine the confidence of an otherwise ambitious manager. How can she move on?
The issue
Jenny is an ambitious senior manager in a public sector organisation who has been career ‘fast tracked’. During her early training she experienced a very unpleasant episode of bullying and harassment which severely undermined her confidence.
She made a formal complaint and the individuals responsible were dealt with – something that ultimately led to their dismissal. Though Jenny received help and support to deal with the aftermath, she has always struggled to put the episode behind her.
She is now actively seeking promotion, but in the interviews she has secured so far, has found it impossible to deal with what she describes as the overwhelming emotions that arise when she is asked about her experiences at that time.
When she talks about it with close friends and family she says she ‘knows’ that the interviewers will ask her about this past experience. Consequently she finds herself, in some ways, waiting for the question to arise and almost knows it will only be a matter of time before it is. When she is asked about her experiences she feels that she ‘falls to pieces’.
Jenny has sought coaching to help rebuild her confidence and help her move on, hopefully through securing the career progression she desperately seeks.
Peter Duffell
Executive and leadership coach
hen we encounter such presenting issues, it can often be hard for us as coaches to maintain professional separation. As thinking and feeling human beings, we want to offer empathy and support.
As Jenny has been a victim of inappropriate behaviour, we must be mindful that we do not become involved as rescuers (see the Karpman Drama Triangle) or expose ourselves to transference, etc. An assumption would be that contracting will establish that Jenny’s need is not therapeutic.
Because emotions have a specific cause (Fredrickson & Cohn, 2008), it will be informative for the coach to start working with Jenny on the situations where she feels ‘overwhelming’ emotions, to help identify what they are, for example, shame or embarrassment.
Emotions have two components (LeDoux, 2015): an automatic physical one, such as high heart rate, over which we have no control, and a cognitive one – the sense we make of the feeling.
The physical element is not unique to any given emotion, so it is important that the coach helps Jenny explore the cognitive meaning of these emotions to her. The coach may also have to work backwards through a chain of emotions. Anger or upset might, for example, be caused by frustration rooted in anxiety.
When the coach has been able to help Jenny understand the source of the emotion, they can start to work together to help her deal with it. A key element will be helping Jenny increase confidence and resilience, possibly through preparing and rehearsing ‘stock’ answers to interview questions that can trigger Jenny’s strong emotional reactions.
References
- B L Fredrickson & M A Cohn, ‘Positive emotions’, in Lewis, M, et al (eds), Handbook of Emotions, London: Guilford Press, pp777-796, 2008
- J LeDoux, Anxious: Using the Brain to Understand and Treat Fear and Anxiety, New York: Penguin, pp43-47, 2015
Gill Fennings-Monkman MBE
Executive coach and coach supervisor
It is remarkable how many times I have coached ambitious and capable women like Jenny, who find themselves struggling with the emotional legacy of the inappropriate behaviour of others in the workplace.
Sadly, bullying and harassment at work, particularly by women, is still more common than we think. Even though Jenny stood up for herself and the system ‘dealt with it’, there is still a ghost from the past interfering in her present, stopping her progress.
As a coach, one’s task is to help Jenny stabilise, understand and manage her experience in the present, work deeply to minimise any ongoing emotional impact and get back on track with her career goals.
We cannot do this, though, without dealing with what is going on at a deeper level: the cognitive, emotional and behavioural effect she is experiencing somatically and psychologically through past and present triggers, for example, memories and and being questioned about it in job interviews.
As an integrative practitioner I would work with Jenny to understand her experience and regain control of her physiology and thinking when triggers occur, by using a range of tools, such as mindfulness, CBT, NLP, EFT and even NICE guideline treatments for trauma, such as EMDR. It is important to interrupt these patterns quickly before they become embedded. She will then regain control over her experiences, manage triggers better and gradually embed an ‘adapted self’.
We can then work together to move her to the career progression she is desperate for – and so clearly deserves.