Which kind of silence is your client manifesting? Elaine Cox discusses the multi-dimensional nature of silence and calls for more coaching research in this area
Frequently in our society, silence is seen as the absence or opposite of talk and as something negative. However, something is lost when we judge everything in relation to speech.
In coaching, for example, silence has importance: it has an amplitude that we, as coaches, instinctively understand. Coaches do not discount the value of silence, for as Kimsey-House et al (2018) point out, although there is the temptation to “fill the momentary silence as if it were a void, or to assume that the client didn’t understand the question”, that silent moment may, in fact, be “full of thoughtful discovery”.
Key technique
However, although silence is considered central to coaching practice and practitioner literature regularly mentions silence as essential in the coaching interaction, there is little empirical research on silence in coaching. Authors such as Turner (2019) have focused on its practical uses, while others offer explanations of its worth.
Lee (2003), for example, recognises silence as a key technique, suggesting it encourages moments of self-knowing. He explained that one of the reasons coaches sometimes fail to keep silent is that they feel uncomfortable with the emotional tension that is created.
He writes, “They diffuse the tension by following a question with other questions, or by suggesting options for answers to a question” (p.126). Choosing to stay silent, Lee argues, can be “a powerful option for bringing emotions to the surface and eliciting self-disclosure”: silence in the presence of another person “evokes a kind of self-knowing that is not available within the silence of solitude” (p.125).
Functions of silence
With the help of literature from other disciplines, some perceived functions of silence can be identified that may be ripe for research in the coaching context. For example, in education, Zembylas and Michaelides (2004, p.203) describe four different ways in which silence is used:
- To explore the inner self and therefore an important part of personal growth
- To help make sense of thoughts, ideas, emotions and actions
- To indicate unspoken understanding
- As a manifestation of fear of self-exposure through speaking openly.
Davies (2007) identified three similar functions of silence in therapy:
- Resistance to speak about certain things – a form of protection by the client of his/her inner space
- Communication – to pace the conversation or to connect, where client and coach appear joined together by a feeling of resonance
- Creativity – it could accompany insights or “a need to reorganise thoughts and feelings” (p.46)
In psychotherapy, Cormier, Nurius and Osborn (2016, p.61) suggest the purpose of silence can depend on whether the pause is initiated by the helper or the client: “Clients may use silence to express emotions, to reflect on an issue, to recall an idea or feeling, to avoid a topic or to catch up on the progress of the moment.”
Krieger (2001, p.243), exploring silence in a legal setting, confirms “immediate probing is not appropriate when faced with a deep silence”; rather, if there is distress a helper might merely “join the client in her silence” (p.244).
Such empathetic responses to the emotion contained in a silence can strengthen a relationship and lead to a deeper trusting bond between coach and client.
Interpretations of silence
Sue and Sue (2019) comment on how different cultures have different interpretations of silence. Often in Asian culture, silence is a “sign of politeness and respect rather than a lack of desire to continue speaking” (p.174). Skiffington and Zeus also recognise the role of silence in cross-cultural coaching, identifying that silence may signify “respect, reflection or that the individual is offended or ashamed” (2003, p.218).
Harris (2004) notes how “active listening” can be interpreted merely as restating a client’s comments in a reflective statement in order to demonstrate that the coach has understood what the client has said. When there is a silence, however, it is usually unclear what message is being sent.
Attempts to reflect back may actually misinterpret meaning “with a misjudged reflection” that might break the client’s attention (p.9). Krieger’s (2001) research suggests that effective therapy sessions contain more silences than less effective sessions and warns that active listening could frustrate a client’s thought processes.
Adapted to the coaching context we might assume that if coaches fill in all silences in the session with words, they may actually interfere with the client’s ability to process and reflect on issues raised in the meeting. Not only may silence encourage thinking, it could also prompt clients to express themselves more fully.
With such an array of functions and interpretations of silence, it is important for coaches to be able to decide which kind of silence a client is manifesting. Coaching is different from therapy and so research into the purposes of silence for both coaches and clients might reveal similar findings, or it could uncover additional and/or different meanings. Research into the multiple meanings of silence in coaching is thus vitally necessary.
- Elaine Cox leads the Doctor of Coaching and Mentoring programme at Oxford Brookes University
References
- S Cormier, P S Nurius and C J Osborn, Interviewing and Change Strategies for Helpers, Canada: Nelson Education, 2016
- A Davies, Contemplating Silence. Unpublished dissertation, Auckland University of Technology, 2007.
Retrieved 15/9/19 from: https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/56361462.pdf - A Harris, ‘The experience of silence: a client case study’, in Counselling Psychology Review, 19(1), pp.5-11, 2004
- H Kimsey-House, K Kimsey-House, P Sandahl and L Whitworth, Co-active Coaching: Changing business, transforming lives. Hachette UK, 2018
- S Krieger, ‘A time to keep silence and a time to speak: the functions of silence in the lawering process’, in Oregon Law Review, 80(1), pp.199-266, 2001
- G Lee, Leadership Coaching, London: CIPD, 2003
- S Skiffington and P Zeus, Behavioral Coaching, New South Wales: McGraw-Hill, 2003
- D W Sue, D Sue, H A Neville and L Smith, Counseling the Culturally Diverse: Theory and practice. John Wiley & Sons, 2019
- A Turner, ‘Silence and its role in coaching’, in Coaching Psychologist, 15(1), 2019
- M Zembylas and P Michaelides, ‘The sound of silence in pedagogy’, in Educational Theory, 54(2), pp.193-210, 2004