How can we end well in coaching engagements? Four coaches with different backgrounds give their perspectives on this underdeveloped area. By Sue Gammons, Gregor Findlay, Jamela Khan and Lilian Abrams

 

During a webinar on ‘Ending Well’, organised by APECS (The Association for Professional Executive Coaching and Supervision) in November 2021, there was a general recognition that very little had been written on practices related to ending with coaching clients.

Wanting to address this topic further, the four authors of this article came together to start an inquiry, which may lead to further research that could define and propose best practices within the profession.

This article reflects some of our own perspectives on endings, as four coaches with different backgrounds and coaching experiences, and concludes with suggestions for coaches to consider in relation to ending in their own coaching assignments. There are many ways to explore ‘ending well’ in coaching and in this article, we focus on the ending of a coaching engagement for coaching clients.

Both during the initial APECS event and in our subsequent small group discussions, the consensus was that during our own coaching training there was very little time allocated to exploring best practices for ending a coaching relationship with a client.

We speculated that this might be because there is no specific International Coaching Federation (ICF) requirement to include a module on endings in a coaching training curriculum, and endings are also only minimally mentioned in other credentialling organisations’ competency frameworks. For example, one of us (Lilian), who holds multiple accreditations at a Master Executive Coach level with APECS, ICF and European Mentoring and Coaching Council (EMCC), and has trained as a coach supervisor, found that in none
of those activities was the ending process substantially explored. We recognise that some coach training providers do at least cover how to run a wrap-up process, even though it isn’t required for coach accreditation.

Conversely, the fields of counselling and psychotherapy, from which many aspects of coaching practice have been derived, have a very different approach to endings. The Ethical Framework for the Counselling Professions published by the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP, 2018) includes a section specifically on breaks and endings, as well as the following requirement: “We will endeavour to inform clients well in advance of approaching endings and be sensitive to our client’s expectations and concerns when we are approaching the end of our work together.”

Given this backdrop, here are some of the authors’ own experiences and thoughts around ending well.

 

Lilian

As an experienced OD consultant/organisational psychologist, my coaching career began when another consultant asked me to coach on his leadership development programmes.

I learned about endings through following his guidance. Typically, my coaching engagements begin and end with a meeting between the client, myself, their manager and sometimes HR. Our final meeting includes the client describing their gains and next steps, and concludes with expressions of mutual support and thanks. Often, my client and I meet privately afterwards, to check in on takeaways and have a more personal goodbye.

I leave such meetings glad to have helped and a bit sad. I treasure and respect that my client has risked trusting me, to let me into their mind and heart. I also care about and have enjoyed talking with them and feel sad knowing I likely won’t see them again.

One ethical question I have pondered is if, when and how we should continue our relationship in some way. A coaching relationship is not a ‘friendship’. We have been unequal in our sharing, listening and contributions to each other, and our relationship was bound and contextualised in particular ways. For example, it was only their work context, thoughts, feelings and goals which formed the substance of our conversation. My role was to listen and help them advance, given the material they chose to surface.

Once our context and goals have changed, how do we manage the change in our mutual roles and expectations? I’ve heard some coaches say their former clients have become their friends, and that they have even secured further work from them.

I’m uncomfortable with the potential complexity, nuances and ethical questions around this transition, and do not befriend former clients. I am comfortable, however, to continue the relationship if I can remain in my prior role, such as if we have occasional professional check-ins or if they introduce me as a coach to their new organisation.

 

Sue

I first trained and practised as a psychotherapist before transitioning to be an internal executive coach in a global corporate organisation.

During the psychotherapy training, much attention was given to our attitudes and practices around ending client relationships. We were encouraged to use our personal therapy sessions to explore our own unique patterns around endings, usually developed as a result of earlier life experiences. I became aware of the strategies I adopted, consciously or unconsciously, to avoid the discomfort and fear around separation and loss.

Through supervision, I recognised how this might play out as I completed client engagements. For example, I might not express my emotions about our ending, which may inadvertently influence my client to enact the same avoidance. I learnt to experiment with different approaches in service of my clients, to discover what was both true and best for us both.

While the specifics of managing endings were only minimally covered in my coaching training, my prior learning was already embedded in my psyche. As such, I continued to reflect on how I might best manage endings when I transitioned from therapist to coach. Thus, in addition to the typical practices of reviewing client progress and ongoing development needs, I look for signs of what the ending might mean for them in other ways, including emotionally.

I often explore this with them, particularly when ending with longer-term clients. This raises awareness about their own habitual patterns around endings, which may be relevant and important as they navigate the constant flow of change and endings that we all experience in work and life.

 

Gregor

Like Lilian, I find ending engagements both a time of celebration and a time of sadness.

We can celebrate the client’s journey, progress and learning together, but with a tinge of sadness for me, as the closeness of our coaching relationship is ending, for now and likely forever.

Practically, it might be helpful to share what I have learned from working under one coaching agency-associate agreement, where the agency has a pre-determined process for endings. All of their coaching engagements require the client to report on what they have learned through the coaching process, and the impact on them both personally and organisationally.

Originally, I saw this activity as a burden that diverted valuable time away from our coaching. With experience, I realised that my clients found this review incredibly productive as a way to embed their learning. Now, with all my clients, I schedule this activity to take place at the start of our final session. I’ve also adapted this practice to include the coaching sponsor in the conversation to provide their input, which my coaching clients have found very useful. The agency also conducts an independent assessment of my coaching, which has been hugely productive for my own development. Lastly, my client and I agree to be in contact in six months, so that we can assess the longer-term benefits and changes for my client.

 

Jamela

As a recently trained coach, I found my training allocated enough time to end an entire coaching engagement.

Like Sue, during our training we discussed our own meanings and patterns of endings and were encouraged to apply that to our work with clients’ own patterns and behaviours for the ending of their contracts.

As a coach, endings are an opportunity to celebrate with the client as well as to reach closure. It’s a time to appreciate how far both parties have come on this journey and to reflect on the impact of coaching on the client’s life. It’s also an opportunity to obtain feedback from the client on how we’ve performed. For this reason, we need to be open and willing to learn from our clients, which will benefit us in future.

From the client’s perspective, ending usually means celebration, in terms of new goals and achievements attained and a feeling of a new start. As coaches, we need to partner with our clients to end in a way that will make the last session both rewarding and impactful, in ways that honour our clients’ uniqueness. For example, the coach might act as champion and recognise their progress with their manager, or something else if the client would like a more understated ending.

Regardless, a client who leaves coaching feeling more inspired, reflective and able to maintain their achievements is the best ending. A client who is able to continue their journey autonomously, in the absence of the coach, can leave their coach with a feeling of satisfaction and pride in having achieved this result together.

 

Points to consider

• What are your own attitudes and habitual patterns around endings? How might these play out as you end with your clients?
• How might you surface and work with clients’ feelings and desires around endings?
• At what point, and in what ways, do we start to discuss our ending with our clients? What is included, ideally, in those processes and discussions?
• How do we balance the task-oriented aspects of ending (eg: reviewing coaching goals and achievements, planning next step developmental actions), with the relational aspects of ending (eg: what does the ending mean to client and coach; what words and actions should take place between them to create a sufficient sense of completion)?
• What form and level of contact do you expect to have with the client after the coaching has completed, and vice versa? If contact is to continue, how will you both address and manage the change in roles, expectations, boundaries and context? Who does this continuation serve, in what ways, and what is best for both yourself and your client (eg: is it okay to be friends?)

 

Conclusions

Our initial exploration indicates that ending coaching engagements and relationships well has not yet had much focus in the coaching profession. For good reason, much attention has been given to setting up the coaching assignment, since this is key to successful engagements. However, we may have missed the opportunity to be more thoughtful and directional in ending coaching engagements well.

The authors look forward to others joining us in pursuing best practices in ‘ending well’, through thoughtful discussion and rigorous research. We hope this piece has sparked new thinking in the community: Can this be a new start for well-done endings?

 

ABOUT THE AUTHORS

• Sue Gammons is an independent leadership coach and consultant
• Gregor Findlay is an independent executive and leadership team coach
• Jamela Khan is an independent professional coach
• Lilian Abrams PhD, MBA, MCC, ESIA, is an independent organizational psychologist, senior executive coach, accredited coach supervisor and applied researcher

 

Volume 17, Issue 3