As our knowledge of the brain’s functions increases, we can redesign our mindsets and environments. This issue: How do we surface and work fruitfully with our own and clients’ expectations? Amy Brann reports

Expectations can be incredibly powerful. We all have expectations that we’re aware of and that maybe we’ve even made overt to others. Perhaps you expect your family to keep the house at a certain level of tidiness, or you expect to be treated in particular ways at work. Often couples have shared expectations, like fidelity.

Expectations are key to how we work. Doctors, especially GPs are trained to ‘ICE’ patients – to ask them about their ideas, concerns and expectations in the consultation. It can be very useful to a GP to understand what a patient’s expectations are so they can respond appropriately. This may be to meet the expectation, for example, to examine a sore tummy, or it may be to explain why giving antibiotics isn’t appropriate on this occasion.

If the doctor doesn’t know what the expectations are, it can be harder to help the patient feel like the consultation was a successful one. Even if they don’t get their expectations met, the patient is provided with information to help them understand why.

However, one of the most challenging things about expectations is that they’re often operating under the conscious awareness radar. Or people fail to express their expectations clearly. In coaching, supporting people to be clear about the expectations they hold, which ones serve, how to communicate these, and how to harness the power of expectations, can be very helpful. And part of this is about understanding the neuroscience.

The brain is often described as a ‘prediction machine.’ In order to make sense of the vast amount of information it’s presented with daily, it tries to sort through it all and only pay attention to and process what’s necessary. And it’ll usually draw on past data to make its best guess around what constitutes a wise decision.

There are two brain regions most likely to be active when working with expectations. One is the insular cortex, which is linked to gut feel and recognising if right or wrong decisions are made. The other is the anterior cingulate cortex, which acts like an alert light on a dashboard to draw our attention to anything that doesn’t match our expectations. It helps us sense if there’s a problem.

 

Brain training

Because our brain can function as a prediction machine, when we expect particular things, our brain can activate particular networks to fulfil those expectations. This can be seen in particular cognitive biases and in experiments, for example, if someone is told a drink is expensive, they’ll rate it higher than the one they’re told is cheaper. Interestingly, this sticks – when people are subsequently told the bottles were mixed up, they defend their observations – even though in reality, the alcohol within both bottles is the same. The brain has the capacity to influence sensory inputs through existing beliefs or expectations.

Another aspect related to expectations is around brain training. Every time we think or do something, we’re strengthening certain neural networks. Physical, structural changes take place at a neuronal level. If you believe you’re capable of doing something, and have evidence for it, your brain can become even better equipped to make this happen. Your expectation gets fulfilled, which further strengthens your ability to do it again.

Often, expectations aren’t clearly expressed. This can cause problems between people, as well as internally for an individual. When expectations are unmet, problems often arise. In the workplace, we regularly hear of people who end up having conversations with HR because they feel undervalued, taken advantage of, even looked down upon. When more digging has taken place, sometimes the only ‘offence’ that can be shared is that other people don’t wash up their own cups, instead leaving them in the sink for others to take care of. But what’s going on internally feels bigger than that.

Examining our expectations of ourselves can often be very fruitful. Personally, I realised some years ago at Christmas that I was expecting to be able to do everything my mother did for me. She would encourage me to make Christmas presents for my teachers. We’d hand-make all our Christmas cards (using some new, fancy art technique), and bake wonderful treats to share with friends and family. However, my mum didn’t also have a company to run, or a voluntary role that she invested a good chunk of time in weekly. I’d been holding myself to doing things without having logically explored whether I really had time to do so. I was holding overly ambitious expectations.

Goal areas
In my company, we’ve used the science of expectations to help entire organisations improve their people’s wellbeing. One of our approaches centres around a tool we call ‘Expectation Explorers’. This is a tool you can take and use with your clients and yourself immediately. It relies on your great questioning skills as a coach. Before you begin, identify an area to focus on. Is it wellbeing? Is it a particular goal? Is it an aspect of character? You can use this tool to enhance understanding and awareness around most things.

Next, set up the frame as inviting the individual you’re working with to step into the shoes of a detective. Who do they feel an affinity with? Is it Sherlock Holmes, Columbo, Jessica Fletcher, Nancy Drew? Imagine stepping into their body, thinking as they think, questioning as they question.

Now it’s time to start asking questions. Your goal is to help the person uncover what their expectations are in relation to whatever the topic is. Sometimes it will be obvious, other times more hidden. There are likely to be clear ‘penny dropping’ or ‘lightbulb’ moments with this exploration.

People often realise that goals / intentions they may or may not be consciously aware of come from outside influences and haven’t been properly critiqued. What we frequently find with health goals, for example, is that they haven’t
been placed in the wider context of other goals.

When you start really unpacking the expectations a person has of themselves, it can sometimes become clear that the goal isn’t really theirs – it’s a social norm or even something they’ve seen on Instagram. When it’s a goal that they really want to achieve, putting it in the context of the other things they also expect from themselves can illuminate capacity questions.

Investing the time in ‘Expectation Explorers’ can help people to re-evaluate what they really want to prioritise, aligning their conscious and unconscious expectations. This can reduce the number of unmet expectations and therefore, help them to feel satisfied more of the time.