A coach working abroad – it’s all about surrendering to our differences rather than controlling them, says Andy Chandler
As a team and group coach, it’s fair to say 2023 has so far been one of travel, new experiences, ‘almost’ experiences (a last-minute Covid diagnosis the day I was due to travel to Shanghai) and loads of learning.
Working across geographical borders is nothing new for many of us of course. For more than 25 years, Barefoot Coaching has had the privilege of training others to learn to coach and the pandemic meant an instant pivot from face-to-face to online. In doing so, we instantly moved from a largely domestic market to one which instantly transcended geography, timezones and cultures. In short, the world became our oyster.
One of my first trips this year was across to the US West Coast to work face-to-face with a leadership team that wanted to explore how to have more challenging conversations with each other. This is something I hear a lot from organisations. The desire to create a psychologically safe environment where teams can disagree with and challenge each other in a way that improves and strengthens the team, rather than doing damage. What good is a team that only ever agrees with each other?
This culturally kind, compassionate and supportive organisation found itself in a changing economic environment which required greater challenge. Enter stage left a kind, compassionate and supportive coach who finds challenge a challenge!
We teach what we need to learn, and this felt very true here.
Needless to say, the experience itself was exciting, challenging and fun. I’d like to share some of my top tips for working with a group of diverse, experienced leaders from a culture different to mine. I could talk about all the usual tactics (don’t forget pens, hard copies of everything – assume the tech will go wrong – so bring backups of backups, practice and then practice again, etc….) but that’s not what really matters.
Top tips
My top tip is linked to the stance of a coach and facilitator. I was first introduced to the idea of stance when I trained with Barefoot Coaching. The best way I can describe a stance is a mindset – a choice that we make as coaches about how we interact with our environment. It’s a noun and a verb. It moves from mindset to behaviour and then to action.
To set the scene for my top tip it’s worth sharing a little more context. The work I did in the US covered an array of developmental areas – from exploring courageous conversations to identifying and challenging limiting beliefs and delving into resilience. Think of it as a montage of ‘real play’ (not ‘role play’), group coaching, one-to-one coaching, classic facilitation, blind coaching (where the coach leads the group through an activity simultaneously while they write down their individual responses to the coach’s questions) and leadership development. All those things needed to happen in a limited time frame and slot in with the content of the rest of the conference. In short, it’s complex work and there are multiple opportunities for it to go off piste (that’s a polite way of putting it).
Given this context, how would you approach it?
My approach started with what I learned as a corporate leader. One of my many bosses imparting their wisdom would start with something like: ‘Fail to plan, plan to fail’ or something similar. And you know, they’ve got a point. Preparing for sessions such as these is important, painstaking work. It requires a complete laser-like focus on the learning outcomes and issues while also using every sonar and radar available for the coach to tune in to the delegates.
I have a detailed session plan, agreed outcomes and I’ve been diligent to the extreme. On the face of it, I could deliver the session with my eyes closed – to the minute. But that isn’t really the point, is it? I mean, we get to keep control but at what cost?
What the client needs, and the individual delegates need, is a session that delivers on the outcomes but in a fluid, authentic way. It requires a coach who can put their need to be in control behind the delegates’ opportunity to learn.
So, my top tip is this: surrender to the group, not to your ego.
The idea of surrendering can sometimes be interpreted as fatalistic, a kind of giving up. But that’s not what I mean. Surrendering in the way I’m advocating is active, rather than passive, and is deeply respectful to the group and to the work. It says, ‘I’m not sure where this is going, but wherever it goes will be fascinating and in the service of the group’.
When I surrender, I still maintain some semblance of control (a sharp pencil on learning outcomes, a wider perspective on what’s going on in the moment). The act of surrender is a stance which truly says to clients,
‘I see you’ and ‘you matter’.
In practice, surrendering takes various forms, surrendering to:
- The knowledge that already exists in the room – my experience isn’t their experience and there’s much we can learn from each other.
- Respectfully acknowledging the cultural differences that exist in the room but beware of applying broad stereotypical views to all.
- The unexpected – if you can tolerate a surprise direction that the conversation takes then it’s worth waiting just a little longer to see where it might go. What kind of a coach would I be when I encourage delegates to be more comfortable with not knowing, whilst at the same time have a vice-like grip on what I know without any attempt to go off piste?
- What your body is telling you – armed with a minute-by-minute session plan can encourage your left hemisphere to remain firmly in control – but if you can listen to your heart and gut as well there’s a wealth of information to be gained for the good of the wider group.
- Surrendering!
So, that’s my go-to stance. As you read this, I’m wondering what your thoughts are about this stance. If you’re like me, it may be a mixed set of feelings. Some relief at not being in control and yet some anxiety at not being in control. What do you think?
My invitation to you is – in your next meeting, to surrender to ‘not knowing’ and see where it takes you. You might be surprised.
- Andy Chandler is managing director at Barefoot Coaching. Founded by Kim Morgan, Barefoot Coaching has more than 5,000 successful graduates of its programmes.
- Barefoot Coaching pioneered the development of ICF and University approved coach education in the UK.
- andy@barefootcoaching.co.uk
- https://barefootcoaching.co.uk