How can we keep our clients moving forward in the face of setbacks and adversity? We begin with a mindset shift, says Debbie Green
Having an optimistic mindset is linked to all sorts of benefits including health, wellbeing, professional achievements, and better personal relationships. Twin studies suggest that an optimistic mindset is 30-40% linked to our genes, with 60-70% due to nurture (van de Weijer, et al., 2020). Being optimistic is a choice which we can practise to become a habit.
But how do we stay optimistic on the tougher days – particularly if we’re surrounded by people who are caught up in the doom and gloom? Even for the optimists among us, the pessimists at some point can chip away at how hopeful we and our clients feel about now and the future.
In a recent podcast episode of Secrets from a Coach, Laura Thomson-Staveley and I explored the purpose of optimism and generational trends in how to keep positive in the face of adversity (2023). When things are challenging it’s important to ‘smile and wave’ – which is all about looking on the bright side.
Keeping optimistic feels tougher for everyone these days. In a recent workshop we hosted working with people in their 20s and 30s, where we measured people’s levels of optimism as part of a programme, we were amazed to find incredibly low optimism levels for people at the beginning of their careers. They were just starting out with good jobs, good salaries but their optimism was low. When we questioned them about it, they couldn’t see a bright future ahead for themselves at all. They felt that they were facing a barrage of stuff that they were worried about.
One young client I recently worked with was very pessimistic after being made redundant twice before his 25th birthday. He felt that there was little point in striving for his dream job when there was no hope of ever keeping it. I worked with him over four sessions to change his mindset to see the opportunities new job roles would offer and, importantly, to see it not as a job for life but for just the next two years. He found the mindset shift incredibly useful and we saw positive results at the end of only a handful of sessions.
We know as coaches that our mind, how we see things, and how we view the world, is very important, and that some people tend to look through a pessimistic rather than an optimistic lens. So how do we refocus on an optimistic mindset?
Be the optimist
Optimism is a mental attitude characterised by the hope and confidence in successes and a positive future. On the whole, optimists view any hardships as learning opportunities, which are temporary setbacks that aren’t going to last forever, and tomorrow will probably be better. It’s the negative Eeyore mindset versus bouncy and upbeat Tigger mindset from Winnie-the-Pooh.
Another client I recently worked with was going through a messy divorce and feeling low. She was trying to hold down a full-time job and keep a roof over her head while working through her divorce with a very controlling and difficult man. I worked with her to help shift her mindset to focusing on what she wanted, rather than kowtow to what he wanted, which is all she was doing when I initially met her.
I encouraged her to focus on herself and her needs, while envisioning her future. In the context of giving up everything she wanted – what did her future look like and how did that make her feel? Unworthy was typically how she felt so we worked on confidence and outlook on life. We considered options- if she did XYZ or ABC, what would the outcome look like for her?
By looking at what she wanted rather than what she didn’t want – she was able to stop letting her controlling ex-husband control her life.
Just like us, our clients have freedom of choice around whether or not to be optimistic. In our coaching, it’s about developing their ability to say it might be bad at the moment but I’ll try to refocus about my intent. We can help our clients choose to see things differently and consider the opportunities a situation is presenting, instead of staying in the same negative loop.
Fatal flaw
When coaching for an optimistic mindset, help the client avoid procrastination. This shows up in several ways, including not making decisions quickly or asking too many people for their opinion, perhaps adopting an ‘all about them not you’ stance.
Make it work
Help the client appreciate that making a decision or taking action doesn’t have to be 100% perfect – it’s better to make the decision in the moment based on what you know, than not at all. Avoid over-thinking, lack of self-belief, imposter syndrome, and negative self-talk.
Protect the mindset
l Notice, choose and act
Encourage the client to ‘’notice what’s going on, choose to remind themselves what the opposite of a negative point of view could be, and then act- flip it.
- Work up a STAR story
If there’s lots of doom and gloom, suggest they develop a STAR story (situation, task, actions they took and the positive result). This can be a great way to capture and remind themselves about positive successes. This can also have a positive impact on people around them.
- Keep a ‘Smile File’
Remind clients they have the ability to make good things happen and that there are good things in life. Help them affirm their belief in themselves. I suggest to clients that they keep a ‘Smile File’ which is a place to save all the great feedback they get sent. It’s a way to hold onto it so when they have an ‘Eeyore day’, they have a reminder of what they are capable of.
- Look out for the glimmers
There’s a strong link between having an optimistic mindset and wellbeing (Cherry, 2021). Help clients tap into or develop a positive self-image, high self-worth and the feeling they deserve good things. Help them get into the practice of looking for the good in everything. If it feels tough, suggest they take a breath and think, if they can, about the good in their situation. There might be a little glimmer of hope they hadn’t previously spotted – which they can use to give them a positive push towards optimism.
- Ask positive questions
Three questions I always find useful to ask a client are:
- What has gone well this week?
- What could be something that can help move things forward?
- If there’s one thing you could learn from this, what might that be?
These questions help keep clients moving forward and keep optimism strong.
About the author
- Debbie Green is founder and wellness coach at Wishfish and co-host of Secrets from a Coach podcast. Working for years in HR and learning & development, she’s a qualified wellness coach who works with individuals and teams. www.wishfish.org.uk and www.secretsfromacoach.com/
References
- van de Weijer, M. P., de Vries, L. P., & Bartels, M. (2020). Happiness and Wellbeing; the value and findings from genetic studies. https://bit.ly/48dHgU6
- Green, D., & Thomson-Staveley, L. (Hosts).(2023). 140. Keeping an Optimistic Mindset. Secrets from a Coach [Audio podcast].
- Cherry, K. (2021, June 28). Using Learned Optimism in Your Life. https://www.verywellmind.com/learned-optimism-4174101