In the latest in this column for leaders who coach, Lynn Scott explores coaching for leadership presence and gravitas
Executive presence, gravitas and leadership presence are often considered important attributes for leaders and senior leaders.
It’s quite likely the people you coach will want coaching on a version of this. (‘More confidence in my leadership role’ and being seen as ‘confident and credible’ by others is often the broad presenting issue, whether it’s a first-time manager in front of you or a seasoned and experienced leader.)
I’ve been thinking about the word ‘presence’ as I come off one of my leadership group coaching calls today.
Each of the group members has a presence that attracted me for different reasons: from gentle, calm Hetal, to no-nonsense, say-it-as-it-is Sam, to ‘bathed in warmth and feeling cocooned’ with Alana.
When I bring each of them to mind, I’m reminded of Goyder’s (2014)* definition of Gravitas (from her book of the same name): Knowledge + purpose + passion (minus anxiety) = gravitas.
I love this definition because it doesn’t matter who we are, our gender, our race, where we came from, age or education or where we are going – we can all grow our presence and gravitas if we want to. Gravitas is inclusive. It allows us to be who we truly are when we’re at our best. I find that refreshing and liberating. Gravitas is NOT:
- Something you ‘put on’ when you’re doing a presentation or speaking to a large group of people.
- ‘Fake it until you make it’.
- The same as charisma.
- Arrogance.
Yes, I know – sadly, in some organisations that type of behaviour is rewarded – but it’s not gravitas. The purpose of this article is not to argue the rights and wrongs of that but to look at how you can coach someone who wants to develop their leadership presence and gravitas.
You may know people who have a strong intellect but lack gravitas. (Maybe they can’t get their message across in a way we can understand or engage with.) You may know people who are supremely self-confident but lack gravitas. (Maybe they lack self or other awareness and have no empathy or compassion.) You may know people with masses of knowledge and experience but lack gravitas. (Maybe they’re not open to other perspectives and their listening isn’t great.)
So, if the person you are coaching is looking to ‘up’ their gravitas, how can you help?
Up your gravitas
1. First, at the risk of stating the obvious, it helps to ask, ‘why gravitas, what does it mean to you: why now?’
Two of the most common reasons clients come to me to work on their gravitas are these:
One: They have received some feedback that they ‘lack gravitas’ (or something similar) – maybe after an interview or 360 feedback exercise.
Two: They’ve been promoted (or want a promotion) and will be operating at a much more senior level. They want to feel heard, valued, credible, real and to own their seat at the table.
2. Second, using Caroline’s definition above, I ask the person I’m coaching to see how her equation fits with how they see themselves.
When they have huge amounts of knowledge, purpose and passion but lots of anxiety it’s clear where we need to start the work. Those anxieties often come from that ‘inner critic’ voice and are thoughts and beliefs disguised as facts. (Help the person you’re coaching to recognise the difference!)
If they’re full of passion but they’re a bit rudderless – that’s a potential starting point. We may see frantic, disorganised energy which dampens down their gravitas. People might see them as chaotic.
And if they’ve lost their sense of purpose – that’s another angle where we can dig deep. Because with no strong purpose, who are we?
3. Third, it’s a great idea to ask the person you’re coaching to list some attributes of people with gravitas (people they know or politicians, celebrities, public figures) and to see which of these attributes they already have.
This can be contextual but my top 10 attributes, in no particular order would be these:
- They speak clearly and concisely and they’re easy to follow and listen to.
- They’re authoritative without being authoritarian.
- They’re warm and engaging and human!
- They’re genuinely interested in others (not self-important or ego-driven).
- They have poise.
- They’re driven by clear lived and breathed purpose (it’s not fake).
- They’re generous in sharing their knowledge in a way that is relevant and targeted.
- I feel good in their presence. A better version of me.
- They care about something bigger than themselves.
- They’re able to truly hear and give space to different perspectives and views even if they don’t agree.
That’s my list. Yours may be different – but ask the person you’re coaching to list their own version of presence or gravitas and then ask them to identify which of the attributes they already have and which they’d like to work on with you.
I recommend starting with one at a time!
4. Fourth, the person you’re coaching could seek some informal feedback from colleagues using a simple question like ‘I’m working on my gravitas – if you could give me one piece of advice about how to improve it, what would it be?’
You can share your own feedback too. For example, I noticed that Hetal was hugely supportive of his team members and cared deeply about their wellbeing. He also recognised that he was letting one team member ‘off the hook’ as she was making excuse after excuse about why she wasn’t meeting deadlines. His anxiety was around ‘upsetting her’.
But avoiding the conversation inevitably meant the rest of the team felt he lacked authority and was ‘weak’.
So, our work involved exploring this, digging deep into the anxieties and working on some thoughts and actions to take forward for a different outcome. One that would also add to his gravitas and presence.
People loved Sam’s no-nonsense approach, but they didn’t feel listened to as Sam ‘always knew best’. The rest of the team didn’t feel heard. Guess what Sam went away to practise!
I noticed how Alana shrank back into her chair and made herself small every time we met. Her language was apologetic and often diminished her. I shared that with her and the difference it made when she owned her space physically and stopped the ‘I’m just a….’ language made a palpable difference.
And here’s something to think about – how would you describe your own presence and gravitas?
* Goyder, C. (2014.) Gravitas: Communicate with Confidence, Influence and Authority. Random House UK.
- Lynn Scott is an ICF Master Certified Coach (MCC), director of Lynn Scott Coaching and founder of The Effortless Leader Revolution. She’s a leadership and team coach, coach supervisor and ICF Coach Mentor.
- www.lynnscottcoaching.co.uk
- You can join her free Facebook group for leaders and managers, The Effortless Leader Revolution, for more leadership tips and resources that work in the real world.
- www.facebook.com/groups/effortlessleaders