Thank you to Neil Scotton for writing his humorous, warm and thought-provoking article, Every label masks us. It gave me cause to stop and think; to do my own ‘inner work’.
Like many an experienced coach, I believe that I’ve developed a deeper understanding of my thinking, my values, my beliefs etc, and my own unconscious bias. I’ve done the work. But of course, it isn’t finished. It’s work that we have to keep chipping away at; it’s the gift that keeps on giving. I’m reminded of it at every supervision session, at every training event and at every coaching session.
This article caused me to reflect on how I can better support my male clients who struggle to find their place in the more strident organisational cultures – where the phrase ‘man up’ is an expectation, where their naturally compassionate and supportive behaviours can attract severe criticism.
I was reminded firstly of that male client who, in the boardroom, had mustered every bit of courage he had in order to express how ‘moved’ he was by a supplier’s predicament, despite his colleagues’ ‘desire for blood’; and also by another male client who had been publicly humiliated for empathising with rather than ‘fixing’ a troubled colleague.
These clients know their alternative behaviour comes with risks: they know they’re leaving themselves open to criticism from colleagues who urge them to ‘man up’. They know that they and their families can pay an extremely high price too: stress, depression, anxiety and missed promotions.
So, I reflect: is my support of them enough? Is there more I can do to challenge the cultural norms? Am I failing their organisations if I don’t … or if I do? It’s a work in progress.
Neil says he hopes that men can help women more and that women can help women more. I also hope that men and women will do more for men who don’t naturally fit the stereotypical male labels.
- Kim Gregory is a coach trainer, speaker and facilitator
- www.strengthsconsultancy.com