Janine Roberts explores the power of emotionally engaged coaching for navigating relationships at work

 

Adverse relationship dynamics in the workplace cause intense emotions for all involved (Roberts, 2023), profoundly impacting well-being and performance. This is extensively documented in health-at-work reports (Health and Safety Executive, 2020) and organisational behaviour research (Tse et al, 2018). 

Despite leaders turning to coaches for support with workplace relationships, there’s a scarcity of evidence regarding how coaches work with leader emotions and on the effectiveness of their interventions, particularly within the realm of workplace relationships. 

This scarcity presented a valuable opportunity to explore how coaches engage with leader emotions and the influence this engagement has on workplace relationships. 

This article lists the key findings from research undertaken with 22 executive/senior leaders and coaches across a wide range of sectors. What follows is an insight into leaders’ emotional ecosystems, their grapple with authenticity, how emotionally engaged coaching is a powerful and transformative experience, and why coaches need to be aware of the varying levels of emotional engagement.

 

The emotional ecosystem

Leaders operate in a challenging emotional landscape, navigating intricate and complex system and relationship dynamics. 

System dynamics include intense pressure for teams to perform, organisational restructures, dysfunctional leadership, and systemic individualisation. Relationship dynamics include power and control, drama triangles, family dynamics and getting caught in the middle of multiple stakeholders. The emotional climates leaders can find themselves operating in range from emotionally repressed and shaming to pressured, volatile, and toxic. 

These form the leaders’ emotional ecosystem which impacts their emotional state, well-being, focus and performance. While emotional intelligence fosters self-awareness, empathy, and understanding (Ashkanasy & Dasborough, 2021), it doesn’t equip leaders to navigate the deeper complexities of their emotional ecosystem and interpersonal dynamics. 

Leaders can find themselves so immersed in their own emotions that it becomes challenging to objectively assess and manage their situations. 

 

The authentic tightrope 

Leaders experienced a wide range of emotions as a result of the system and relationship dynamics, including anger, anxiety, frustration, loneliness, loss of agency, lack of control, and stress. Leaders were conscious of the profound influence expressing their emotions could have on others, describing this as their ‘leadership shadow’; emphasising the importance of being authentic, yet mindful of the inherent challenges it presents. Leaders shared that if they expressed their authentic emotions, they exposed themselves to judgements and negative (even shaming) perceptions from others, risking their relationships and reputation. They described this as walking an ‘authentic tightrope’, with limited avenues to process their emotions and as such found coaching invaluable.

 

The power of emotionally engaged coaching

When coaches were creating the conditions that fostered emotional engagement, coaching emerged as a powerful and transformative experience for leaders. Leaders valued space where they felt psychologically safe to be truly authentic in their emotional expression, share their vulnerability and focus on their own needs without judgement. Moreover, when coaches were systemically and emotionally attuned to the leaders’ emotional ecosystem, they could skilfully identify and highlight patterns in the leaders’ mindset and behaviours, evoking greater self-awareness. Coaches also helped leaders to see the perspectives of others in the dynamic, increasing their empathy and emotional connection towards others. Leaders valued this objective and empathic perspective.

Coaches were also able to help leaders reconnect with, and cultivate, their sense of agency. Leaders realised they had choices in how they thought and behaved and the actions they could take. This transcended into shifts in mindset, changes in behaviour, and personal growth, enabling leaders to navigate intricate system and relationship dynamics. This engendered a sense of power and control, increasing the leaders’ sense of agency. Many leaders transformed their relationships, increasing their empathy towards others, or terminated unhealthy and toxic relationships and business partnerships. 

Coaching at an emotionally engaged level provided a psychologically safe space for authentic emotional expression and containment. This helped leaders regulate the intense emotions experienced in their complex relationship dynamics, cultivate authenticity and agency, and transform their relationships. However, achieving emotional engagement in coaching is a delicate dance . . .

 

Figure 1: The ACE Model – coaching fundamentals for optimal emotional engagement

 

 

 

Four levels of emotional engagement

The research highlights that coaches and leaders can approach coaching either by being emotionally engaged or avoidant. Dynamic integration of these approaches led to four levels of emotional engagement: emotionally engaged, curious, misaligned and avoidant. 

• Emotionally engaged
  When coaches and leaders engage on an emotional level, emotions are used as a catalyst to enquire further into leader experiences and their significance. Coaches use leaders’ emotions as information. Emotions are expressed, contained and regulated. This enables leaders to make useful and meaningful connections with their own mindsets and behaviours.
• Emotionally curious
  Coaches adeptly create the conditions for emotional engagement, encouraging leaders to explore emotions with curiosity.
• Emotionally misaligned
  Misalignment arises from inappropriate use of coaching models, lack of contextualisation, emotional insensitivity, and delving into inappropriate emotional territory without proper contracting. Emotional misalignment diminishes the value of coaching for leaders, causing disengagement from the coaching relationship.
• Emotionally avoidant
  Some leaders prefer to stay task, performance or solution-focused. Coaches can still create the conditions for emotional engagement but don’t proceed into emotional territory without contracting. 

Emotional engagement levels are dynamic – leaders and coaches experience varying degrees of engagement at any given time. 

 

The ACE Model 

Coaching fundamentals for emotional engagement that emerged from this research led to the creation of the ACE model:

A: Attune 

Be sensitive to the leader’s emotional state. Consider and respect their approach to emotional engagement. Adapt strategies accordingly.

C: Create the conditions 

Establish a psychologically safe environment where emotions can be expressed and regulated without judgement.

E: Engage and evaluate 

Engage with the leader and explore their emotions. Continuously assess and evaluate their comfort level and adjust your approach accordingly, ensuring they remain in control.

 

Ultimately, next time you engage your clients, consider:

• How often do your leadership coaching conversations involve relationship dynamics?
• What’s happening in your client’s emotional ecosystem – what influence is that having on mindset, emotions, behaviours and actions?
• What are your strategies for emotional engagement and managing the constantly shifting emotional needs of your client during a session?  

 

 

About the author

• Janine Roberts is a doctor of coaching and mentoring, founder of J9 Consulting and Executive Coaching and known as The Dynamics Doctor for her specialist work in helping leaders and teams navigate complex relationship dynamics. 
• Email: janine@j9consulting.com 

 

References

• Ashkanasy, N. M., & Dasborough, M. T. (2021). Reintroducing Emotional Intelligence: What it Is and Where We Stand Now. Emotion Researcher. https://bit.ly/3TcgXsC (Accessed: 30th December 2021)
• Health and Safety Executive. (2020). Health and safety statistics, annual report. https://bit.ly/3yPnW3M (Accessed: 9th January 2021)
• Roberts, J., et al. (2023). Coaching with the heart in mind: a grounded theory exploration of the influence of coaching on leaders’ emotions and organisational relationships. Dissertation. Oxford Brookes University. https://doi.org/10.24384/m974-q682
• Tse, H. H. M., Troth, A. C., Ashkanasy, N. M., & Collins, A. L. (2018). Affect and leader-member exchange in the new millennium: A state-of-art review and guiding framework. The Leadership Quarterly, 29(1), 135-149. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.leaqua.2017.10.002